Christmas in Denmark

Thursday, Dec. 23

I was out and about all day long. I went to the local stores to buy some snacks--cheese, nuts, cookies, candy, coffee, etc., before they got busy. Then i was at a cybercafe for an hour updating my blog and reading and writing e-mail. From there, I went to the flower market at Israel’s Plads to buy two wreaths--one for me to put on Arne’s grave and one for Grethe to put on Ander’s grave. Next came a sandwich shop. Then I was at the library to read the Herald-Tribune, TIME, and Newsweek.

I visited Robert for a couple of hours in the afternoon to catch up on his life. We had a great tea from Fortnum and Mason (Strawberries and Roses) with a rolled cake. Then I headed downtown to see the Christmas lights. I never cease to be amazed that the garlands of lights strung across the streets are still made with live greenery. I was disappointed, however, that there was only one street musician.

I made a final stop at Tivoli just to see the entire Illumination Show with lasers, fire, smoke, water, and music. I had only caught the end of it last night and didn’t want to wait another hour. it’s an amazing show. The lasers create wonderful interactions with the smoke and fountains. Also, the lasers form planes, spirals, parabolas, etc. The colors are purple, green, and blue for the most part, and the music is somewhat new age-space age type. The show is well worth seeing and I’m glad I went back for it.

Grethe and I had risengroed (rice porridge) tonight. It’s traditional to have it on Dec. 23. It’s a special rice (plump grain) cooked in milk with a little salt. It looks somewhat like oatmeal when cooked. A pat of butter is put in the middle of each bowlful to melt, and it is sprinkled with cinnamon sugar. It’s delicious and filling. It’s what the nisser (elves) are always eating in stories and pictures here in Scandinavia.


Well, Christmas has begun in Denmark. The 24th, 25th, and 26th are holidays here. The stores are closed and won’t reopen until the 27th. The next 3 days will be quiet ones. I hope the tourists have gone elsewhere. People will be with families and friends for the next several days. Traditionally, the 24th is when you are with immediate family, the 25th is when you are with extended family, and the 26th is when you are with friends here in Denmark. There will be nothing for tourists to do during this time. I’ll write about what happens during the next few days.

Friday, Dec. 24

Just after I awoke this morning, it began to snow--giant flakes about the size of American half-dollar coins (30 mm in diameter). It was beautiful to watch. usually the snowflakes here are small and powdery. it can look almost like rain when it falls. These big flakes, however, were floating and meandering down. As the morning progressed, they became smaller, but the big ones would return occasionally.

The first of my 20 Christmases in Denmark was in 1985. (Arne came to Texas for Christmas in 1984.) As we shopped for flowers to take when we were invited for friends for dinner that first year, I kept seeing beautiful wreaths made with greenery, berries, pine cones, etc. I suggested to Arne that we should buy one of those for them to hang on their door. Most people in the U.S. hang wreaths on their doors during the Christmas season. Arne explained that we couldn’t do that; such wreaths in Denmark are only for grave sites. it was just one of the many cultural differences I learned through the many years of our relationship. Every Christmas after that, however, I would tease Arne by saying, “These wreaths are beautiful. Let’s give them one for their door.” It became a funny joke between the two of us that continued through our final Christmas together last year.

This year I bought my first wreath in Denmark. Unfortunately, I had a reason. This morning Nurse Grethe and I took two wreaths and two candles and walked in the snow to the nearby cemeteries. First, we stopped at Ander’s grave where she placed a wreath and a candle. Then we walked across the street to Arne’s grave where I placed a wreath and a candle. Grethe then left me there alone for a while as she went to buy flowers (NOT a wreath) for her hosts tonight.

The bereavement counselor at the Unitarian Church had told us that Christmas would be a difficult time. Others had said the same. And standing before Arne’s grave proved them right. I don’t think I had been so sad since the day we buried his remains. All the memories of our times together and the realization of what I have lost in my life came flooding back.

There was a small cedar tree in a pot on Arne’s grave. It had Christmas bows in the pot. Our neighbor Annette had placed it there a few days ago. it’s so nice to know he is also remembered and missed by others who knew and loved him. He was a charming man with the purest heart I have ever known, and everyone quickly recognized that about him.

By the time we were at the cemetery, snow had made beautiful formations on the bushes and trees. Arne and i used to walk through that same cemetery after a snowfall to enjoy the beautiful snowscape. I took a photo of the cedar tree, wreath, and candle. Then I backed up and took photos of the views in the distance--snowscape photos like the ones we always took during our walks through the cemetery together each winter.

Tonight we celebrated a typical Danish Christmas at Arne’s sister’s and brother-in-law’s apartment. I caught the bus to there around 5:30 p.m., just before the service stopped for the Christmas pause (until 11:00 p.m.). Arvind was still decorating the tree when I arrived. By 6:30 p.m., the tree and the meal were ready and we sat down to eat. There were eight of us--Evy, Arvind, Gitte, Carit, Sascha, Niels, Amelie, and me.

We had a traditional Danish Christmas meal--roast pork with crispy skin, roast duck with prunes and apples, caramelized new potatoes, white potatoes, homemade pickled red cabbage, and brown sauce. Niels had done the cooking this year, and it was delicious. There was the sound of crunching pork skins all around the table.

For dessert, we had the traditional rice-almond pudding with cherry sauce. Gitte dropped one whole almond into the brown as we all watched and stirred the pudding again at the table. Then we each served ourselves hoping the whole almond would be in our portion. We had to pass the bowl again and keep eating until Sascha eventually produced the whole almond and claimed the almond gift--a candle with holder and several packages of candy. Niels served a particularly good pineau (a dessert wine) with the pudding. Of course, as has happened every year, the story was retold about Arne bringing his own almond one year and producing it after the person who got the real almond had tried to claim the almond gift. The story is a beloved one in the family and highlights Arne’s sense of humor.

We retired to the living room where Arvind lighted the live candles on the tree. We sang about six Danish Christmas carols. At one point, we glanced across the street and could see the family there performing the more traditional ritual of dancing around the tree as they sang their carols. We’ve only done that at Arne’s family’s celebration once in honor or my first visit there. Because of a lack of space, we just sit around the room with the tree in the corner.

Gifts were distributed and opened after we finished singing. I had requested that they not get me gifts this year, since I am take only one suitcase on my flight to South America and since I won’t be back in Texas until March. Still, I was given a pen and pencil set which I can take with me and a jar of homemade pickled herrings and two kinds of chocolates (Marabou and Toblerone) which I can eat before leaving.

We took photos of the evening and sent them via an e-mail to my sister Sue who was here for Christmas with us three years ago. By then, it was 11:30 p.m., and it was time to head for home. It had been a Christmas just like the others I’ve shared with them for 20 years except for one difference--Arne wasn’t there to share it with us.

Saturday, Dec. 25

Arne and I always celebrated a private Christmas just for the two of us on the morning of Dec. 25 each year. It wasn’t a Danish celebration, nor was it American. We would sleep until we awoke naturally after the late celebrations the night before. Then Arne would prepare a special breakfast while I would arrange the presents and light the candles. Arvind’s centerpiece would b e on the table as we ate. We would have scrambled eggs, smoked salmon, smoked mackerel or herring, pickled herring, a variety of cheeses, and other treats. Afterwards, we would move to the libing area and take photos of each of us with our presents. Mine were usually in one of the two fabric-covered chairs, and I would squat beside it as Arne took the picture. Arne’s were often on the end of the sofa or on the leather chair, and I would take his photo. With Arvind’s centerpiece now on the coffee table, we would take turns opening gifts. Arne would squeeze and shake each one and had an uncommonly good ability to guess what each was. I always wanted each one to be a surprise to him. We would thank and kiss each other after each gift. Typically, there would be 12-20 gifts each--things thoughtfully bought that would fulfill a genuine need or interest--clothes, kitchen items, calendars, books, etc. It took 2-3 hours or more to open them all with all the playing around thanking and kissing each other. As soon as the last gifts was opened, we would take photos again of each of us beside a stack of our gifts for the year. Then we would try on the clothing items to see if they fit and how they looked on us. Arne was always assuring me that I could exchange his gifts if I wanted something else, but I always kept them. It was typically mid-afternoon by this point, so Arne would make coffee for us and we would eat my homemade Danish Christmas butter cookies (Finskbroed, klejner, and pepper nuts) along with special treats like stollen and chocolates.

We always got phone calls from friends on Christmas Day. Dieter usually called from Munich. Ruedi called from Bern. Margaret called from The Hague or later from England. And Arne would often run a bath and sit for a long time in it. I know he spent this time thinking a out the people in his life--especially the ones who had died during the past year.

This morning, I remembered Arne and our Christmas Days together as I lighted the candle on Arvind’s centerpiece. But I didn’t prepare a breakfast. Instead, I waited for Evy and Arvind to pick me up at 11:00. We drove into the countryside to see their new camping ground. They have a caravan (small camping trailer) as a summer house and had to move it to a new campground at the end of the season last year. They’ve now been given the number of the sites at the new campground they may choose among. We saw each of the four possible sites. All are fine, but two were especially nice--one that is terraced down to a small lake and one that is larger and more flat. They will probably get the one on the lake.

On the way back to town, Evy and Arvind dropped me off at the cemetery. I returned to Arne’s grave site for a visit, then I returned to Nurse Grethe’s where I napped and read in the afternoon.

Morten, Grethe’s brother who has visited me in Texas, and Helle, his wife, had Grethe and me over for dinner. It was a typical First Christmas Day table beautifully set with lots of choices for making smoerreboed (Danish open-faced sandwiches). We had pickled herring with onions, pickled herring in curry sauce, boiled shrimp with mayonnaise, roasted pork with crispy skin, frikadeller (meatballs), with red beets, pate with mushrooms and ried bacon, chicken salad, rolled sausages, etc. We drank beer and aquavit with the meal. Later, we had Irish coffee with chocolates and cookies. During the evening we talked about various topics--Morten’s experience driving a tractor trailer to Belgium to set up a booth at a convention, current films, famous American painters, the falling value of the dollar, etc.