Making Pebernødder and Remembering Evy Bilbo

I received a sad e-mail on Saturday. Evy Bilbo has died in Copenhagen. I had already planned to make pebernødder, a variation of the traditional Danish Christmas butter cookies, today. Her death has turned it into a labor of love with wonderful memories.

The best consequence of all my world travels was that I met Arne Blücher and, therefore, became a part of his "family." I put that word in quotation marks, because it wasn't Arne's blood family, it was his step-family. Arne's real family had cut contact with him and he had not seen his half-brothers for 20 years before he died. But Arne's father had married another woman, and Arne had been adopted as the step-son, step-brother, step-uncle, etc., of this entire family. The love is such within this family, however, that the word "step" was never applied. Arne was their son, brother, uncle, etc. And due to my relationship, I was adopted into the family with similar honorifics.

Evy was Arne's "sister." Because her mother who was married to Arne's father was already quite elderly and mostly confined to her apartment when I came into the family, Evy served as the matriarch of the family. I met her, her husband Arvind, and their children soon after meeting Arne in May of 1984. Not long after that, it had become obvious to everyone that Arne and I were more than just friends. We were attending a party in honor of his niece Anita. Evy pulled me aside and said, "Randy, you know that Arne is not my real brother, but I want you to know that I love him more than even my real sisters. I want to let you know how happy I am that he has found you and that you will always be welcome in our home."

That moment has remained vivid in my mind through all these years, and Evy proved true to her words. Just as her family had become Arne's family, they also became mine. We were invited to their home regularly and to all their family celebrations. Because I was there each year in December, the Bilbo Christmas celebration became ours, too. And when my friend Mark and my sister Sue visited Arne and me in different years, they were invited and welcomed into the family for the Christmas celebrations as well. As the matriarch, Evy took the lead in inviting us all and making us all feel welcome and honored to participate in such a wonderful experience.

As my friend Mark and my sister Sue can atest, there is nothing so special as a Christmas in Denmark. The city is decked out in quaint lighted garlands of real greenery. The storefronts have those magical displays that were so popular everywhere in the 1950s. There are concerts to attend, cookies to be made, special all-afternoon lunches to be eaten, etc. But most special of all is the traditional family celebration on the night of Christmas Eve.

How Evy and her family could pull off such a special event each year is amazing. Preparations would begin weeks earlier when she would have a baking day to make the various butter cookies--Finskbrød, klejner, kokoskranse, vaniljekranse, jødekager, pleskner, and kaffebrød. Because of my interest in learning to bake these wonderful treats, she invited me to join her for this activity and patiently made sure that I understood the techniques used. Then later, when I became interested in another cookie which was not part of their family tradition, pebernødder, she adopted the recipe that I found and made it a new part of the tradition.

Christmas Eve, however was the special time. Evy would always request that Arne and I arrive around 17:30. At that time, Arvind would be putting the final touches on the Christmas tree which would have been bought earlier and stored until that day for decorating while she and other members of the family were in the kitchen making final preparations for the dinner. The windows of the apartment would have red tape to give the effect of smaller panes of glass and would have "snow" on them and lighted stars hanging in front of them to give that cozy Christmas feeling. Throughout the apartment would be displays of Christmas items--Danish Christmas plates for each year, small Christmas village scenes, nisser (elves), etc. And Evy was always delighted with additions to her Christmas collection that Arne and I would bring her from America--walking Santa Claus salt and pepper shakers, a Santa face that would react to movement by playing Christmas music as people entered the door of the apartment, etc.

Everyone would sit around the dining table for a formal dinner. Evy always served both Danish roast pork with crispy skin and roast duck stuffed with prunes. There were caramelized new potatoes and well as regular boiled new potatoes. There was sweet-and-sour red cabbage, gravy, a pickled fruit whose name sounds like "asia," etc. That was always followed by the traditional Christmas dessert in Denmark--Ris ala mande, rice-almond pudding with one whole almond hidden somewhere inside the bowl. We would each serve ourselves and top it with a special cherry sauce. And Evy always made sure there was a special "almond" gift, usually a box of chocolates, for whoever got the whole almond.

After dinner, we would retire to the living room. The first year I was there, they lighted the live candles on the Christmas tree and then pulled it out in the center of the floor. I was shocked as the candles jiggled, worrying that the flames might reach a dry branch. But they wanted me to have as traditional a Christmas as possilbe, and tradition dictated singing the Christmas carols while dancing around the tree in a circle. In later years, we left the tree in the corner with its candles burning as we sat and sang. Following the singing, the gifts were distributed and opened. Then the evening would end with drinks and Christmas cookies and candies. Evy was in her element as she oversaw this big production each year.

I've written much about Christmas, because my best memories of Evy and her family are tied to it. There was so much more to our relationship, though. I was at Evy's mother's funeral. I was at birthday parties and anniversary celebrations. I watched all of Evy's grandchildren grow and become adults. Evy and Arvind would invite Arne and me to their summer house where they loved spending part of each year in the outdoors. In other words, I felt I was fully incorporated into the family, and Evy was the one who always seemed to be sure that I got the "word" and was invited to such events.

Unfortunately, the "word" came from Gitte, Evy's daughter, this weekend instead of from Evy. That's because it was news of Evy's death. It is such sad news, and it has set my mind reeling with all these memories of what Evy has done for me and what she has meant to me for the past 25 1/2 years. I had just received a final e-mail from her on Nov. 20 updating me on events there and answering a question I had about one of the Christmas cookie recipes. And fortunately, I had just seen her and had a nice visit with her and members of the family in September when I made what has been an annual stopover in Copenhagen since Arne's death to see them and friends there. Our good-bye then was more than the typical one, because I had already announced that I would be ending my around-the-world trips and that the visit would be my last to Copenhagen for a few years. I remember Evy's hug being like that of my grandmother who, as she aged, always hugged me as if it would be the last chance she would get to do so. Sad to say, but it was in this case.

My life and the world will never be the same without Evy Bilbo. Of course, her family will miss her even more than I will. All of us who knew her personally will miss her greatly, though. I can tell you exactly what Arne would have been doing Sunday after the news arrived if he had still been alive, because I saw him doing it twice when word came to us of others who were very close to him having died. I would have noticed that the apartment seemed quiet and would have gone looking for him. And I would have found him in the bathtub with it filled to the brim with warm water. He would have been lying there thinking, crying, but mostly remembering. That's all my mind is willing to do so far, too; I just keep thinking, crying, and remembering.

Randy's and Evy's Pebbernøder (Pepper Nuts) Recipe

Note: This is a European recipe, so the ingredients are in grams. Americans can use a diet scale marked in grams for measuring; the scales are available inexpensively at all grocery stores and pharmacies.

250 g flour
200 g butter (about 2 sticks minus 1 1/2 Tbsp in America), room temperature
150 g sugar
1 tsp vanilla sugar (Can substitute 1 tsp powdered sugar and 1/2 tsp vanilla extract in America)
1 tsp white pepper

Mix all ingredients together in a bowl. Use your hands toward the end so that the butter will melt slightly causing the mixture to cling together. If possible, form into 3 sections and roll into long strands, then cut into small pieces and roll by hand into balls about 1.25 cm (1/2 inch) in diameter. If mixture is too crumbly, use fingers to press and form dough into small balls about 1.25 cm (1/2 inch) in diameter. Place on an ungreased baking sheet about 2.5 cm (1 inch) apart. Bake at 175 degrees Celsius (350 degrees F) for about 15 minutes until just beginning to brown. Remove to wire racks to cool. Store in an airtight container and serve to guests throughout the Christmas season.