Christmas away from Denmark for First Time in 22 Years!

Christmas away from Denmark for First Time in 22 Years!

Sunday, Dec. 24, 2006 (Christmas Eve)--San Antonio, TX

Normally I only make entries to the blog when I am traveling. Tonight I am home. But it FEELS as if I am traveling. Why? I haven't had a Christmas in the U.S. in 22 years. Instead, I have been in Copenhagen each Christmas during those years. What I know as tradition these days is not part of my life now. What might have been tradition in the U.S. so many years ago is long gone. So I thought I would write about it even though there may be no one to read it (since people don't expect me to blog when at home).

When Arne, my life partner of 20 years, died of a stroke 2 1/2 years ago, my life changed. During my years with him, we had commuted during our vacations to maximize our time together. That meant that as a university professor with about a month of free time around Christmas each year, I traveled to Copenhagen. There, Arne, his family, and our friends introduced me to the traditions of Danish Christmas. And what tradition they have. I have never had a more atmospheric Christmas than one in Copenhagen. That's due to so many things--the fact that it is dark from 3:30 p.m. until 8:30 a.m. each day, the fact that they string lighted garlands of REAL greenery across their shopping streets, the fact that the TV stations show serials daily through December based on the myths of nisser (elves) who live in the attics of homes making toys for the Juleman (Christmas Man) to deliver at Christmas (myths that developed as farming people developed explanations for their children for why there were scratching noises in the ceiling after cold weather had arrived without using the dreaded words "mice" or "rats"), the fact that every church has a Christmas concert for the public sometime in December, the fact that there are fairly set menus and set guidelines for who is present for the THREE days they celebrate Christmas, etc.

I must admit that this has not been totally a Christmas away from Denmark. As my readers know, I stopped there for 5 days in early December. That trip allowed me to see my friends, enjoy the street decorations, see an episode or two of the Christmas serials, taste some of the traditional homemade butter cookies, see the annual display of Christmas table designs by artists at the Royal Copenhagen Shops, etc. But there is so much I missed. I didn't have gløgg (hot drink of wine, aquavit, citrus, cloves, raisins, and almonds) at all, and I especially missed having it at Hviids Vinstue, a bar that has been there since the early 1700s. I missed walking the streets of the atmospheric village of Kongens Lyngby. I missed going through Tivoli Gardens with its Christmas market, ice skating rink, and wonderful twinkling lights. And those are all things I could have done while I was there if I had just had the time.

Mostly tonight I am missing the tradition of the three days of Christmas themselves. Today, the 24th, is called Christmas Day in Denmark. All shops are closed. It's a day for preparing for the big feast. People put up their Christmas trees with the live candles on them. They cook the food that will be served--roast duck, roast pork with crispy skin, caramelized potatoes, pickled red cabbage, and brown sauce for the main meal and rice-almond pudding (with one whole almond inside which everyone hopes to get as they dip from the common bowl because it will give them good luck and result in their getting the almond table prize which is usually chocolates) with cherry sauce for dessert. Dinner will last about 3 hours. Afterwards, there will be singing of traditional Danish carols around the tree as the candles burn. Then gifts will be distributed and opened. Finally, there will be coffee, tea, beer, butter cookies, chocolates, dates, etc., around the coffee table. This night is only for immediate family members.

Tomorrow, the 25th, is called First Christmas Day. It is the day for extended families to get together. More distant relatives and even close ones who had their own celebration the night before, come for a long Christmas luncheon that lasts all afternoon. Starting around 1 p.m., the table will be set with mostly cold items--Danish meatballs, salami and other cold cuts, boiled eggs, pickled herrings of various kinds (plain, in wine sauce, in curry sauce, etc.), smoked salmon, smoked eel, various brown and white breads, butter (to seal the bread as open-faced sandwiches are made from all the items on the table), etc. Luncheon continues for about 3 hours and usually ends with a plate of cheeses and crackers. Eventually, everyone goes to the living room for a repeat of the drinks and sweets buffet.

The 26th is still a holiday in Denmark with stores closed and is called Second Christmas Day. This is a day to go beyond family and be with friends. There are no set traditions for it. It could be a repeat of the day before with friends invited. Or it could be an outing to the cinema to see the newest film that has opened.

It's the Christmas Day and First Christmas Day celebrations that I miss. But my First Christmas Day memories are not of the traditional celebration, although that's what I enjoyed last year with Arne's family. Instead, Arne and I created our own tradition. We always spent a traditional Christmas Day with Arne's step-sister's family. We would take only 1-2 gifts for us to open while we were there. Being an American, I encouraged us to have more gifts. Those we saved for First Christmas Day. We got up in the morning and Arne made a breakfast buffet for us--fried eggs, smoked herring, smoked salmon, various cheeses, various cold cuts, etc. It was a huge feast of things for making open-faced sandwiches. On our table would be a Christmas centerpiece with a candle that was homemade by Arvind, Arne's brother-in-law, and given to us the night before. We would have a long, leisurely breakfast. Then we would bring out our other presents which we usually kept hidden from each other, especially since Arne was too good at guessing what something was as soon as he touched it! We would put them in two stacks and take our photos with them while still wrapped. Then we took turns opening one gift at a time. We would try to guess what it was, then we would ohhhhh, and ahhhh as we could see it. We would read about it, try it on, hug and kiss while thanking the other. Then it was time for the other person to open his next present. That process usually lasted a couple of hours, since we often had 10-20 presents for each person. Not all were big gifts. Even a $3 package of discs for inserting in the tops of wine bottles to keep them from dripping was a greatly appreciated gift deserving of all the hoopla! Afterwards, we would place everything out and take another photo of each of us with the items we received unwrapped and on display.

Unfortunately, those days are gone. The last two years I returned to Denmark and had Christmas there without him. The first year, I returned to his sister's home to follow tradition as we always had. Last year, I spent Christmas Day with our friend Nurse Grethe and then went to Arne's sister's home for First Christmas Day. This year, I am in Texas and am not having a traditional Danish Christmas.

Tonight, I was alone at my condo. I purposely created a dinner that I thought would be nice but would be a change from the traditions with Arne. I had a ribeye steak with cooked onions on top, a baked potato, mixed vegetables, hot crusty bread with garlic in olive oil for dipping, and a nice red wine. When I finish writing here, I will have homemade eggnog and shortbread. I have a DVD of a film from Netlfix, a rental service via mail, which I will watch. It was a good meal. I enjoyed it while also remembering the wonderful Christmases Past with Arne.

Tomorrow, I will attempt to recreate our First Christmas Day breakfasts. I have brown bread, white bread, smoked salmon, two kinds of salami, sliced dry ham, boiled new potatoes, chopped fresh onions, crispy fried onions, scrambled eggs, sliced beef (from a portion of my steak from tonight), etc. I've saved the gifts I have been given to be opened afterwards. Later, I will have homemade Danish butter cookies with more of the eggnog from tonight. Throughout all of this, I will put my CDs of Danish Christmas music on the player. Again, I will be alone. That's not a problem for me, however. I think I will take down the photo albums and go through them remembering the Christmases year-after-year with Arne and seeing the photos of the gifts we gave each other. Later, I have a Danish film (Kinamand) on DVD from Netflix that I will watch.

I am spending Christmas in Texas. It is not the same as I have known for years. But a little of it is. Of course, Arne will always be on my mind, and I will always wish that things could be as they used to be. Time moves on, however, and I must do so also. For those of you who see signs in events, I must tell you what happened this morning, though. As I left home to run an errand, I pulled on my black leather jacket which Arne used to wear occasionally when he was here. I felt a lump in the pocket and knew in general what I would find there. Sure enough, it was Arne's usual stash--a package of Dentyne cinnamon-flavored gum, an open package of facial tissues, several bunched up paper towels, wrappers from a granola bar and a mini-Mounds he had eaten, and his shopping list in his own handwriting for tomatoes, green peber, "Baulian" cubes, champignons in "tinn," and 2 deep plates. It was only a coincidence, but isn't it strange that it happened on Christmas Day when I was remembering times past?