Some readers of this blog may not be in my address book. For those of you who aren't, I will post three e-mail messages that I have sent this past week. Together, they explain it all. Maybe there will be an Around the World V someday, but for now ATW IV is ending with a quick trip from Calgary to Copenhagen.
Date: Tue, 8 Jun 2004 10:41:52 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Randell Drum"
Subject: Sad News about Our Sweet Arne
Hello,
I am sorry to send this as a general e-mail to
"everyone," especially since not all of you know Arne.
But I have only limited time on the computer and this
is the only way I have to get the news to those who
need to know and who care.
Our sweet Arne had a massive stroke on Sunday night in
Calgary. We were in our hotel room and had been there
several hours. Arne had been reading, and I had been
writing in my journal. I saw him get up to get a
drink of water and sit back down. A moment later, I
heard a mumble. When I looked his way, he had no
control over the left side of his body. I immediately
called an ambulance. In the meantime, I comforted him
and kept him awake.
He is in Foothills Hospital which is a University of
Calgary research hospital and is known as the best
facility in Canada for treatment of stroke victims.
Because I got him to the hospital so quickly, they
allowed me to sign him up for a new experimental
treatment that goes beyond the normal treatment. They
used the drug tPA. They gave it to him intraveinously.
The experimental part is that they also did an
angioplasty where they inserted a needle from the
groin that went through a vein directly to the clot in
the brain and released tPA directly there to try to
dissolve the clot. As I understand it, they also used
a pulse through the angioplasty to try to break up the
clot. They worked on Arne 4 hours with this
treatment.
When the doctor came back, I could tell he was
pessimistic with what they had seen. He drew a
diagram showing that one of the two main branch
arteries in the brain had been blocked so that no blood
to get to that half of the brain. Their efforts had
resulted in limited opening of the blockage. Blood
was going through some vessels a little furter into a
portion of that side of the brain, but it was only a
small portion. He said we would be hopeful and would
know in the morning whether it might work.
Arne was assigned a single nurse to be with him
constantly. She took measures of vital signs every
hour on the hour.
By the next morning, a new CAT scan showed that Arne
was suffering from massive hemmoraging (spelling) due
to his blood pressure and the blood thinner. The
doctor told me at that time that our sweet Arne will
not live.
They continued to provide a single nurse the rest of
that day. Arne gradually withdrew during the day. He
went from being able to mumble some words in the
morning to not being able to talk. He went from being
able to open his eyes to not being able to do so. But
through the whole day yesterday, Arne could hear and
understand everything I told him. I told him what had
happened. And I told him that the treatment didn't
work and that he is not going to live. He was unable
to cry or to talk, but he was able to squeeze my had
and rub my arm. Since that time, Arne has worked hard
to show his concern for me, and I appreciate that
greatly.
While Arne was alert and could understand everything I
said and respond with his hand, I told him I was going
to read a list of names from our address books. I
told him if he would like me to tell them good-bye for
him to tap me on the hand. Many of you reading this
e-mail were on this list. Of course, everyone who was
got a tap. And Arne was quite assertive in tapping
and rubbing back and forth on my hand for those people
who have been the closest to him. I'm sure you know
how Arne felt about those of you he knew, but I hope
to tell you in the future about this tapping ceremony
to say good-bye.
I'm slowly losing my sweet Arne. Every time I am gone
from the room for a period of time and come back, I
can see that there is less response. I'm staying
with him almost constantly, however. I have only left
the room to make a few phone calls and to talk to the
social worker. I stay with Arne and I talk to him,
sing to him, rub him, kiss him, suction his throat,
swab his mouth with a moist sponge, put Chapstick on
his lips, etc.
Everyone here at the hospital has been fantastic.
They have shown great respect and appreciation for our
relationship. They all know through me what a special
man Arne is.
The doctors have said it is a matter of hours or days
in terms of Arne living. I will stay here with him
constantly. I slept on a cot next to his bed and
we held hands all night last night. Today, he is
still a little responsive to my handholding, especially
when I am singing to him. But the doctor says he will
eventually go into a coma-like state. He is on a
continuous morphine drip.
A social worker is helping me. If we can solve all
problems, my plans are to take Arne to Denmark after
his death. I will try to get a chance to be back at a
computer to update you occasionally.
In the meantime, I know that many of you are shocked
about this news and are crying. Arne is one of the
most-loved men I have ever known. As I am always
teasing him, "Everyone loves Arne!" While he is still
alive, I hope you will think about the pleasant
memories you have of him and that you will hope for a
peaceful final period of time that he is with us.
Again, I am sorry to send such sad news this way. I
am with Arne and making sure he is fine. And the
people here at the hospital are going out of their way
to make sure that I am fine, too.
My love to all of you.
Randy
Date: Thu, 10 Jun 2004 21:45:30 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Randell Drum"
Subject: Good-bye to our sweet Arne
Hello Everyone,
Well, it is time to give you the sad news. We lost
our sweet Arne today, June 10, at 15:12 (3:12 p.m.)
Mountain Daylight Time (4:12 p.m. in Texas and 23:12
in Denmark).
The passing of Arne was a sad occasion, but I want to
let you know that it could not have been better than
it was. Two visitors were in the room--a nurse who
treated Arne the first night after the surgery who had
been by to see us several times and was there today on
her day off from work and a young man from the Gay and
Lesbian Community Services Organization in Calgary who
had been helping me gather some information. Neither
had been expected, but their arrival provided support
during this sad time.
When the nurse Cindy arrived, we had no idea that the
end was near. We expected it might be another day.
But Arne started slowing down in his breathing, and
the amount of urine released decreased. Cindy said
she thought it might mean that the end was near. It
has been a long week for Arne, and there was no need
to prolong it. So I decided, while I had Cindy's
support available, I would encourage Arne to relax and
go.
We had had a good day earlier. The Danish Consul had
brought Arne a Danish songbook, and I had been reading
and singing Danish songs to him. Although he was
past responding to anything physically, I got the
impression from slight changes in his breathing that
he was understanding what I was saying. I think those songs, some of which
spoke of returning to Denmark and others which spoke
of leaving others behind, may have set the stage for
what happened in the afternoon.
I used relaxation techniques to encourage Arne to
imagine the two of us in the Deer Park north of
Copenhagen--a beautiful, peaceful place where we have
gone walking many times. I talked him through the
stages of our arriving there, entering the park, passing the horse carriages at the entrance,
passing the amusement area, going down a broad pathway
together.... Then I told him to notice a side path ahead. As we got there, I told him to imagine himself
turning to go down a side path while I continued by
myself on the main path. I told him it was something
we needed to do even though we didn't want to do it. Of course the procedure was more
complex and it was mixed with explanations of love and
necessities related to saying good-bye. Then I started telling him to relax over
and over again as my voice became stiller and stiller.
Interspersed were other expressions both in English
and Danish about my love for him. Finally, I said in
Danish, "Min rose jey aldrig vil miste"--literatally translated as "My rose I will never lose" and translated in a more direct way, "My rose I will always remember."
Arne took a deep gasp and
didn't breathe again.
I am fine. I am the guest of Jonas and Lisa Albeck
who operate the Royal Danish Consulate here in
Calgary. When I arrived at their home, Jonas brought
out the offical flag of Denmark and the two of us
raised it to the top and then lowered it to half staff
in honor of Arne. We had dinner and then as the sun
was ready to go down we took down the flag.
Because I am staying with Jonas and Lisa for the next
day or two, it's best if people only call me in an
emergency situation. I want to hear from you, but it
is best to do it right now by e-mail or to wait a day
or two until I move into a hotel with my own phone for
you to call. But if there is a special need to
contact me here, the phone number is (403) 251-5052.
The phone will be answered as "Royal Danish
Consulate."
I am making arrangements to have Arne's body cremated.
That process should be completed by Monday or
Tuesday. I hope to try to arrange a flight to
Copenhagen on either Tuesday or Wednesday. After I am
there, plans will be made for celebrating Arne's life
with some kind of service.
I know there have been many e-mails sent to me. I
have not been able to read them yet, because I have
had only limited access to a computer. But I cherish the idea of having received them
and plan to read them when I have time and keep them for re-reading as time passes. Right now, I must spend my
time planning for taking Arne home to Denmark.
If anyone has a special story about Arne, I would like
to know it. Please feel free to send stories to me
via e-mail.
I'm so sorry for this sad news, but we all knew that I
had to send it someday soon after he had his stroke on
Sunday. I have had twenty wonderful years with the
man I consider to be the most fantastic in the world.
I would have preferred more, but I am so fortunate to
have had these twenty.
Best wishes to all of you. I will send more
information later.
Randy
Date: Fri, 11 Jun 2004 21:37:10 -0700 (PDT)
From: "Randell Drum"
Subject: Adjustment to Arne's Death
Hello Everyone,
I am sorry to keep sending these group e-mails, but
everything seems to be overwhealming these days.
Please read no further if you are not interested in
more information about Arne's death and my plans.
Thanks to all of you who have written in response the
the e-mails about Arne being admitted to the hospital
and later dying. I wish I could respond to each
e-mail at the present time, but I can't. I have
limited access to the computer. But I have saved each
of the e-mails into a folder so that I can access them
again and again in the future. It feels so good to
read so many kind comments about Arne. I knew that
Arne was loved by everyone, but knowing it and reading
about it is not the same. Your messages have made me
feel so good.
Arne's body is at the crematorium today. Sometime
this afternoon or tomorrow it will be cremated. Late
Monday, I will receive his remains in a travel box
along with the paperwork for transporting him. I have
made a reservation to leave here on Tuesday morning at
10:00. I will have to go through Asia to get to
Copenhagen to use my present ticket. Since I have
nothing else better to be doing, I have decided to do
so. I will fly
Calgary-Vancouver-Tokyo-Bangkok-Copenhagen. Each
stopover will be 2 hours or less, and I will arrive in
Copenhagen at 6:30 a.m. on Thursday if all connections
go well.
I am still staying at the Royal Danish Consulate in
Calgary. I am not sure how long I will be here, but
Jonas and Lisa have been such kind people. Some of
you have commented about how nice they must be to take
in a total stranger, and you are right. They are also
interesting people. Lisa grew up in a Danish
community in Argentina and rode a horse to school as a
child. You would think she would be old--right? But
she is a beautiful young woman with blonde hair. She
just lived in a very rural area. Jonas was born in
Denmark but is now a Canadian citizen and works in the
oil business (in buying and selling). They are great
conversationalists and such nice, easy-going people.
Even Jonas' daughter from Regina has written me to
console me, so you know that they must be nice people
to have raised such a child. I have invited them to
San Antonio and hope they will come to visit when I am
back there.
I am adjusting to the loss of Arne. I could feel I
was in shock for the first 26 hours and just felt
rather distantly numb. That's the body's way of
protecting me, I guess. Now I have moved to a stage
where my stomach is a little uneasy and I am feeling
sadness about my loss. I'm starting to notice the
sadness that music can cause, and I'm dwelling more on
memories of Arne that represent times that can never
be again. I have kept details journal entries of my
thoughts and of what has been happening since Arne had
his stroke. Later, I will forward these entries to
anyone who is interested in reading them.
Thanks for all of your support. It means a lot to
know that I have so many wonderful friends from around
the world. Of course, I know that it has been Arne
who has effected most of you so much. That is why we
all love him so much and are missing him.
I hope to be in contact invidividually with all of you
someday. First, I must get to Copenhagen and take
care of arrangements there. As I wrote earlier, I
would love to hear any stories you have about Arne,
especially ones about things he has said and done that
I may not know myself.
Best wishes to all of you and thanks again for your
greetings and concern for both Arne and me.
Randy
If anyone has read this blog and wants to communicate with me, please call me at 210-692-1875.
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